Accidentally On Purpose

Thanksgiving just passed, and I actually cooked a Turkey for the first time in my life! I prefer making chicken, for the ease of it, but! It did not turn out bad. I also made an ApplePie that my Oma would have been proud of. I know Thanksgiving is a made up holiday (like most of them), and I know it’s not about ‘The’ “Turkey” (or about shopping online, afterwards) but rather, about being thankful for what you have, and for me, mindful of where I’ve been…

While today, we may be in the face of uncertainty, with disasters of the natural, the political, and the medical varieties, the funny thing is, I’m currently calmer than I’ve ever been…today…..

I did not used to be so calm. I’ve talked a little in the past about an unhealthy marriage I had years ago. There was one time that I was so angry, so upset after a fight, that while standing in my bedroom, I quickly spied a pair of kitchen-scissors on my nightstand. Angry and upset was an understatement, okay? I was filled with rage and, I’m glad that my (then spouse) was in the other room. I could have killed him. Don’t know how well that defense would’ve heldup in court. I don’t know what I was thinking, really, but I picked up the scissors to strike something and in a millisecond, when I looked at my bed, my inner mind said, “Not the mattress, that was expensive,” and the next moment, I had stabbed myself in the arm! Let me repeat that for emphasis, I STABBED MY SELF IN MY ARM. I know that’s flipping crazy, I was in a bad place, mentally and emotionally, but it truly is funny to me now (in retrospect).



The cut was pretty deep and I wasn’t sure what to do, so being an avid DIY’er, I quickly grabbed ducttape and taped it shut and tried to go to sleep. I had to get up early for work in the morning. Logical, right?? I snoozed there for a few hours then decided I should probably go get stitches so drove myself to the ER. The triage nurse there asked me if it was an accident or on purpose. I told her it was accidentally on purpose. It needed about eight stitches.

Although that was a major turning point for me, convincing myself that it was an unhealthy relationship and I needed a divorce, I did not fully finalize that decision to leave and start becoming free until a little over a year later. For a year, I was a walking zombie, I viewed my soul as dead, hopes and dreams dead, and I got placed on medications as if those would fix a toxic relationship. Those same medications took me years after stopping them to feel more like myself and to fully rid of side effects.

That was another time, another life. It is both funny and sobering for me to remember those times. Life is good now, I have my children, I have a supportive partner, and the ability to grow, and keep a peaceful mind and spirit. Many of my family members and extended family members can not say the same. Many are still choosing to live in dissension and negativity. I choose to keep a healthy distance from them as well, even without a Pandemic.

Life will be what we make of it, even through adversity.

My country may be divided, but at the end of the day, it’s everyone for themselves. Time to survive, thrive, enjoying life, as I can — because — I’ve come a long way, and no one will take that away from me.

Ss has an interesting theory about they way things are now. He says we’ve been knocked back to somewhere between the 1950s and the 1980s. Sounds crazy, but I’m starting to believe him.

I actually saw a group of teens/college kids walking outside NOT looking down at their phones. Many 80s vinyl-records resold as new at the stores, even some 80s movie soundtracks on vinyl. Picnics outside and in the car, and numerous other oddities, like radio playing better 80s B-sides and soundtrack songs.

I heard something about a Hadron Collider that may have shifted our parallels into an alternate universe…? Who knows. I’d have to read more about it to have an opinion. It’s not an impossible theory, and probably the more interesting one I’ve heard in a long time.

In the case of Ss, he did have relatives that worked on special-projects at Peenemünde so, the other stuff, who knows?

It could be true and, sounds like another Star Trek episode if you ask me.



At this point, it would be nice to be in a Star Trek episode, because in the end, they all come out ok and are onto the next adventure.

Onto bigger and better things; like snowsledding, more Vodka, and more music!! Namely, new music and faster page deployment on the main site. We’ve (I’ve) been a tad slow getting everything up, but the new stuff coming out of the studio is sounding really good. As usual, we are trying things a little different, again.

Without change, there is no progress.

Please stay tuned.

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Tell the World! Now!!


  1. It’s sounds like you’ve been through a lot, but you have a commanding spirit. I’m glad you have a supportive partner now and are in a better place. I’m sure your story could serve well to inspire people, who also have been through intense trauma. I liked you Star Trek nod as well because they are always playing with the idea of an alternative universe. Hope you stay healthy and keep writing! Thanks for sharing.

    • I will always love Star Trek, and we can’t be too far off from having food replicators in our homes, technology (and the world) is changing so fast. I hope that you and your people are staying well also.

  2. In those moments of anger, it is better to get away from the person with whom you have the problem to avoid unfortunate accidents, which we later regret.

  3. I also prefer chicken too to turkey maybe because I’m so used to eating that. Yeah, thankgiving is a nice period for me. It helps me become more sober

  4. I love how you were so open to share your story, I’m glad that you left the toxic relationship, it sounds like he used to make you very upset.

    • Thank You, I think talking (and laughing) about it, is a good part of getting rid and letting go. It is a new year after all. Time to clean out the closets and dust off the webs, so to speak.

  5. I wish we have real musics like your brand company makes in middle east.

    We just get autotunes leftovers from usa hits but they are old in the states radios.


  6. あなたがあまり出血しなかったことを願っています!

    • ありがとうございました。いいえ、すぐにテープで閉じました。私の最高の瞬間ではありません。

      Thank you very much. No, I closed it with tape immediately. Not my best moment.

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